Exactly one year ago today (October 25) was a life-changing day for me…
I have met and dated plenty of great girls in my life but never found the one I thought God wanted me to marry. I eventually decided to swallow my pride and succumb to my dad’s suggestion that I try out the dating website Christian Mingle. I was surprised to find that the website actually produced more dates than I expected it would (I definitely recommend it for any single Christians out there who are looking to date).
Though I got to meet and even “date” a few great girls, the first few relationships didn’t work out for one reason or another. Until finally, I was able to schedule a date with this pretty girl named Alyssa who I felt had the potential to be someone special. She had a great sense of humor and had a passion for kids (she was a teacher like me). She also had a strong spiritual background and our personalities seemed to mesh very well (the fact she was beautiful didn’t hurt either)!
It goes without saying that I was nervous before I met her at the popular Japanese restaurant Siki for our first date, and as soon as she walked in, I knew I had to do everything I could not to mess it up! Thankfully, Alyssa had a great smile and an outgoing personality that helped put my nervous jitters at ease.
I don’t remember much as far as what we talked about specifically, but I remember afterwards I called my mom and confidently told her, “Mom, I found the one.”
One year later, I am less than two months away from marrying Alyssa and am so thankful I waited for God to deliver her to me. I remember beginning to think that maybe there was no “dream girl” for me out there. That maybe I’d have to settle for someone I wasn’t crazy about (which would have been wrong of me) or stay single my whole life (which I didn’t feel was my calling). Thankfully, I was wrong, and I knew I was wrong as soon as I met her.
Now the purpose of this post is not for me to go on and on about how lucky I am or how much I love Alyssa (which is a lot). The purpose of this post is to encourage all of you that were like me a year ago–frustratingly dating to no avail and unsure if God would be faithful to my heart’s desire. Now, I’m not about to sit here and tell you that if you pray for a spouse, God’s going to give her (or him) to you. God is not some genie in a bottle who always gives us the things we want–even if they are wholesome and good. I will say, however, that if you have a longing in your heart for a spouse then it likely is in God’s will, and I would echo the words so many said to me over the years: be patient!
Being patient is much easier said than done, and I in no way was a master of it! I would often get frustrated at God and try “my own way” of finding my future spouse. It got so bad that it eventually became like an idol to me, as I found myself spending my spare time dwelling about my lack of a spouse instead of focusing God and the blessings He HAD given me.
The truth is that I didn’t find Alyssa until I finally humbled myself. I decided that being single wasn’t such a bad thing (which it isn’t!) and had to accept the fact that God wanted me to be single at that time and I had to be okay with it. Besides, the greatest person to ever live (Jesus Christ himself) and the greatest missionary to ever live (Paul) both lived their whole lives single. So who was I to say that being single wasn’t an “acceptable” path for me?
Thankfully, God brought Alyssa to me, but again, it wasn’t until I became “okay” with being single and content with having no intimate relationship with anyone outside of God (which always was and is more than enough!). Now, obviously I didn’t just throw up the white flag and totally give up on my great desire for a wife as I eventually signed up for Christian Mingle , but I stopped making my dating life an idol and began focusing on God and all the blessings He had given me.
God knows your heart, your circumstances, and your needs far more than even you can fully understand, and if a spouse is something you need and you are following God’s will, then it will be sure to happen for you. It may not be in your timing or how you expect it to be (like for Alyssa and I, meeting online wasn’t what we expected), but I promise you that if you stay faithful to God, He will stay faithful to you–whether it’s bringing you the “girl of your dreams” or it’s leading you down another path that allows you to maximize your impact and closeness to Him–God is faithful.
Searching for Alyssa was an emotional time in my life–full of ups, downs, and many disappointments. I wish I had taken everyone’s advice much earlier than I did in regards to being patient and faithful to God. If you’re like I was–doubting God and making your lack of a significant other an idol–then I’d encourage you to pray for God to give you patience as well as reassurance that He loves you and is faithful to bring about everything you need.
Also, try out Christian Mingle if you feel so inclined. It certainly worked out for me!